The word tolerance:
Definition: the ability or willingness to tolerate something in particular the existence of opinions or behavior that one does not necessarily agree with.
The word toleration:
Definition: the practice of tolerating something, in particular differences of opinion or behavior.
The word acceptance:
Acceptance in human psychology is an person’s assent to the reality of a situation, recognizing a process or a condition (often a negative or uncomfortable situation) without attempting to change it, protest. The concept is close in meaning to ‘acquiescence’, derived from the Latin ‘acquiescere’ (to find rest in).
E. Tolle defines acceptance as “this is it” response to anything occurring in any moment in life. There, strength, peace and serenity are available when one stops struggling to resist, or hang on tightly to what is so in any given moment. What do I have right now? Now what am I experiencing? The point is, can one be sad when one is sad, afraid when afraid, silly when silly, happy when happy, judgmental when judgmental, overthinking when overthinking, serene when serene, etc.
The word acceptance:
Definition: the act of accepting something or someone; the quality or state of being accepted or acceptable.
(Via http://I.word./I dictionary/acceptance)
The word acceptance:
An acceptance of someone or something is also an indication that you approve of or believe in it (or them).
Definition: the state of being acceptable and accepted.
The word conditional:
Definition: imposing, containing, subject to, or depending on a condition or conditions; not absolute; made or allowed on certain terms.
ie. conditional acceptance
The word unconditional:
Definition: not subject to any conditions.
Synonyms: wholehearted, unqualified, unreserved, unlimited, unrestricted, unmitigated, unquestioning.
“Don’t stay where you are tolerated, Go where you are celebrated.”
This post is part of my grief work surrounding around a particular relationship that I’m working through with right now. This is a person I love so much yet it’s (unfortunately) become very much crystal clear that he and I cannot be in agreement and/or right-relationship, currently.
I sent him a fairly long email earlier this week sharing some deep thoughts I have including some things I hadn’t felt possible to say until now this week. Of course, he didn’t take very long to react/respond, even if after my several times requesting and encouraging him to take as much time to process and think, even to pray before writing back.
He wrote back sharing his thoughts including the word tolerate in there. That word especially smacked at me, rubbed me wrong. It didn’t feel right at all in the context with me of that communique.
For me, to receive the words that he would choose to tolerate me rather than accept me – that didn’t sit well at all. It’s cracked me open more to the understanding deeper in heart that if he’s not willing to do the work or isn’t able to completely accept me for who I am in my whole, authentic self…. If he continues to choose to look at only one-half of who he feels me to be, then, that doesn’t feed nor nourish our relationship at all…. It’s heart wrenching and heartache-full.
I’ve also realized I can’t settle for second best nor do I want to be loved “on condition”. That is not nourishing.
That is a difficult yet powerful realization. I’m still walking through this grief work.
On the other hand, I feel good that I wrote that email. That I finally let myself say some things that were long time needing to be said. I wrote it in a very respectful, loving, compassionate way.
I feel good that I finally let myself write out in clear words – that I hope one day I’m able to say that man is/was my father. That he is/was a complex man and despite that, he was able to choose in the end to finally See me for who I am in my whole self – not the half he prefers to focus on.
I was honest in that email and said I don’t know if I will ever be able to say that. I so hope that it will be possible. Only time will tell.
It wasn’t easy writing that email, of course. It feels good and right that I did that though. Now, the ball is in his court, so to speak. The question remains if he will be able to allow himself to truly choose to See and hear me someday, if not now? Will he choose to do the actual work or not?
I’ve done my part for the moment with communicating with him. I am choosing to let myself step back and honor my current grief work around this.
At this time, I’m choosing to step back from this relationship with him and go where I am celebrated, loved and accepted in the full sense – with people who I love, people who truly know me, people who are my tribe, my dear ones, my chosen family/faemily, my fellow witches, etc.
Please do not comment on this post. Please respect this space. Much much gratitude and appreciation for witnessing.
That’s all for now. Shalom. Peace.