Hello y’all, here’s my second post re. Scorpio moon musings….
I recently took a trip earlier this month (May 7-13, 2018) to North Carolina and Washington, DC areas. The part regarding NC will be shared here. It was really important for me on SO many layers to take this trip back East to North Carolina, in particular. Sometimes, we need to travel back to the past in order to find healing then move forward in the Now.
The ancestors have been coming really close to my side especially in the past month or so. Their presence, voices, and energies much more closer than before.
My intentions for this particular trip to North Carolina were to reconnect with my grandmother, my humyn mothers mother as well as with one of my cousins.
I’ve had a very complex relationship within relationship with that particular dynamic (mother/grandmother). I hadn’t seen my grandmother in person since I was 22 in this life. My last phone conversation (via operator relay) with grandmother was when I was about 28 or so…. to come out with her.
To take this trip back to North Carolina opened up so much from my past yet offering a opportunity for me to heal some deeply set personal threads that really needed to be healed then put to rest….
When I finally set eyes on my grandmother and spent 3 hours with her (which wasn’t expected since I had thought initially maybe a hour visit)… I left from my visit with her knowing I’m more at peace with her and having given myself the opportunity to heal, put some things to rest, and create a space for new connection with her.
I found myself ~ while visiting with her ~ realizing that age has indeed changed her in many ways and my actually being able to have more empathy, compassion, and forgiveness for/with her. I found myself allowing myself to truly be my authentic self and not fearing judgment, being patronized, etc from her.
She has changed in some clear ways where her rough edges have softened some and having to learn from that ~ which can be challenging for a Taurus sun person 😉🙂
I could sense into that even if we didn’t have to talk about it; still, I could sense that and respect it while being grateful for the healing of not being judged and/or patronized by her. I was grateful for being able to receive that healing.
When she asked if my mother knew I would visit her, I found myself telling grandmother that my mother doesn’t need to know. In that, I finally realized I no longer need to feel like I have to ask my mother for permission in how to connect with grandmother. It is ok for me to create my own kind of connection with grandmother. I had no idea how freeing and healing within each feeling intertwined it’d feel like until it happened on a very subtle layer within myself.
Another BIG realization which became very clear to me through that experience: I’m truly done with the stories that happened in the past surrounding around that particular dynamic because it doesn’t serve me anymore nor is it sustainable to my heart and spirit. I’m done with carrying these stories. I no longer need to and I don’t need to.
That is a powerful, important experience to have… more than I realized at the moment of its unfolding…. with how much I really needed to give myself that time and healing.
I didn’t realize how crucial that was and has been for me until having arrived back to Portland, Oregon.
I also had the opportunity to visit and stay with a cousin of mine who I hadn’t seen in more than a decade. It was so healing and renewing in many ways, especially in the context of allowing myself to be truly me, my authentic self, and truly feeling Seen ~ welcomed, accepted, and valued for who I truly am.
I was surprised to see how important that was for me in the days after returning to Portland and processing all the thoughts, emotions, etc.
I asked my cousin if a return visit would be welcomed and she immediately said yes, please do come back soon. I asked my grandmother if a return visit would be good. She responded, yes please, that would be lovely. That felt very validating to me. Now, I’m considering what next step to take in both contexts…. among many other layers I’m sifting through at the moment.
Blessings of this waxing Scorpio moon. We are approaching the Sagittarius full moon on Tuesday this week, May 29th. I will post something related to the sag moon soon!